In it for the long run

All of the above

I’m a ____ runner. (Fill in blank with one or more of the selections below.)

(a) fast
(b) slow
(c) in between
(d) competitive
(e) recreational
(f) all of the above
(g) none of the above

To be honest, whatever you chose, you’re right. Or you’re wrong. Or both.

And this is (or is not) a problem for me… and/or for you.

I am a misfit.

I run speed workouts with a group whose fastest members are winning races or in the hunt. I’m well behind even those at the back of this group. I am this group’s Slowpoke in Residence.

And I’ve been known on occasion to trot along happily at the back of a pack in a race, happy to collect my t-shirt and first place in age group of one award.

But I also have been known to run a 6-7 mile speed workout one day and ten miles the next in training for a ten-mile race.

And I have passed by silently as one of my competitors stopped to drink from a fountain I knew wasn’t working.

I have chased down 10-year-olds mercilessly.

And I have put every ounce of my ten minute mile energy (okay it was a hot day, though) into placing in my age group in a 5k.

But I’ve worked relentlessly to bring my 5k time down from 30 to 27something minutes. I’ve taken special pride in beating my 2008 half marathon time. In that 2008 half marathon, I left a $5 bill lying on the ground when it was a choice between taking the money and aiming for a time.

I showed up in a thunderstorm to run a speed workout with Bryn Mawr.

And I’ve jogged along at 12:30ish pace in a prediction run, with no shame whatsoever.

Recently, in the post-workout breeze-shooting session, the guys were talking about a half marathon in which 1:35 got you into the first corral--and what a slow time 1:35 was for a half, not worthy of corral 1--but also noting that it was in the very top percentile of times because so many were just in the race to participate, not race.

This got me to thinking about my 2:06:39 half. For the runners near the front, my time would be an easy jog, maybe with a lot of walking thrown in. For me, it was a push just about all the way. I doubt I left anything on the course, especially during the last few miles when I pushed as hard as I could and heard in my mind, “Show them how tough you are!” And yes, I was proud of my time. After hearing the conversation about how slow 1:35 was, I began to have my doubts. I began to wonder if my time should embarrass me rather than make me proud.

True, it placed me pretty high in my age group. I was 4^th out of 62. This isn’t just a default place. True, I finished ahead of a lot of younger people, both men and women. And true, for many, simply being able to run a half-marathon is a gift that I am fortunate to have.

Even so, the aspiring, competitive side of me began to worry. Began to doubt. Began to wonder if I should run with a club whose fastest members regarded a time I couldn’t even daydream about as a slow time.

But wait! Both sides are right! Put in a faster runner’s perspective, my race performances are going to look undistinguished. And that’s something I have to live with if I want to run with clubs like Bryn Mawr. I have to recognize that, yes, there is a gap between my best efforts and theirs. And yes, it’s humbling. Yet it also challenges me to reach deeper, to give my best to any workout, to set goals that feel like a reach. Sometimes I’ll reach them, sometimes not, and it will sometimes feel discouraging.

Yet when I do reach my goals, which at the moment are necessarily much more humble than those of my faster friends, I do it because I know the group mindset is performance oriented, and whatever my results, if I left nothing on the course, gave it the best I had, notched up my game as far as I could, I could feel good about my results. This group challenges me to aim high. It may not be comfortable to hear the discussion of 1:35 as a slow half marathon. But I didn’t join this group to stay comfortable.

I love pats on the back—don’t get me wrong! Sometimes, in fact, I feel ravenously hungry for them. I want recognition, want it from people who really might have every reason not to give it to me. (Sincere compliments from them are pure gold.) I love, truly love, sharing successes, showing off awards! I won’t lie.

My ego LOVES a nice gentle massage as much as my body does. But just as sometimes my body needs that deep, hurtin’ massage to break down scar tissue and restore free movement—not that nice soothing massage with relaxing ocean sounds in the background—so my psyche also needs the “friction massage” of conversations about the slowness of 1:35 half marathons. I don’t think I could handle the “friction massage,” however, without the gentle type. Either for my body or my psyche. They’re both needed. And I am not one kind of runner. I embrace a bunch of realities.

So…. I am a fast, slow, in-between, competitive, recreational, young, and old runner. I am a misfit. I think that just might be a good thing (hence, the teal font, a mix of colors).

posted by DPMcManus @ 1:04 PM